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Domovoi Butler Facts

What are #DomovoiButlerFacts? Butler facts are outrageous facts about everyone’s favourite bodyguard: Domovoi Butler. Outrageous or not, we imagine most, if not all, of the below ‘facts’ are true.

Butler doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

When Butler goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Butler could use to kill you, including the room itself.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Butler allows to live.

Crop circles are Butler’ way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.

Butler once shot down a fighter plane with his finger. By yelling “Bang!”
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Butler out. It failed miserably.

If you spell Butler in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Police label anyone attacking Butler as a Code 45-11… a suicide.

Butler is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

When Butler sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Butler has not had to pay taxes, ever.

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Butler has 72… and they’re all poisonous.

When Butler falls in water, Butler doesn’t get wet. Water gets Butler.

Butler’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

Butler doesn’t actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

Butler can believe it’s not butter.

If tapped, a Butler punch could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

Butler CAN divide by zero.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Butler has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Butler ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Butler and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

Butler doesn’t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

It takes Butler 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

When Butler is in a crowded area, he doesn’t walk around people. He walks through them.

Butler once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

Butler played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Butler pajamas.

Simply by pulling on both ends, Butler can stretch diamonds back into coal.

When Butler does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Butler would ever fight himself, he’d win. Period.

Butler is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

There is no such thing as global warming. Butler was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Butler can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.